sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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