dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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