I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
