I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
