ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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