So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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