I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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