and she was petting her beer can
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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