I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
