I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i came on her dog
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
