I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
