Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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