Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
