He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize