sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
