you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
