I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
porn star boner night. come get it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
