So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
