we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
