Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
