We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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