Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
