She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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