yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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