Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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