Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
