My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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