question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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