Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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