We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
