I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
