my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dignity is for republicans.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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