God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
