May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
