Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I will pee on everything he values.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
