I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
dude. I can hear the air.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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