You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize