At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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