I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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