You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize