I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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