I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
