the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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