My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
