I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
