I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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