??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
