The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize