so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
