im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize