i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
