she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
