im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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