They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
