Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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