so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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