We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
