So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
