so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
