is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
