i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
