meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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