just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
