You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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