dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
