My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
