I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
