I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
